Do you remember when you were a kid getting lost for hours in something that you just loved?
When I was a kid, that for me was drawing and colouring. I would seriously spend hours flung across my bed drawing, colouring, scribbling, cutting and pasting paper, ripping out things from magazines. I was so absorbed in creating in my own world, nothing was wrong or right, I was free just to be.
I know now as a parent that when I’m asking my kids do anything and they don’t answer it’s because they are off getting lost in there own little creative worlds playing and creating there own fun. It often takes me a few calls of their name for them to even flinch. I do know that they hear the words ‘Ice Cream’ the first time though!!!
For my 10th birthday all I wanted was some new pencils, I remember pestering Dad for months and finally the day came that for my 10th birthday all I got was a massive tin of Derwent pencils. I treasured them, kept them all in colour order and made sure nobody else used them.
In the early years of high school I kept that tin close to me and used the pencils on big school projects. Late in high school I couldn’t bare the thought of anyone seeing any of my art projects so I threw all of them in the bin, I was scared about what people would think….(there was a big charcoal drawing of Janis Joplin, that went to the trash, I think about that drawing still to this day…)
When I was finished school my derwent pencil tin was packed away in a box. I was glad it was in the bottom of the box, I wasn’t going to be needing them. Suddenly the world of computers came bardging into my life and I there was no time to pursued a career as an artist.
I did go on to pursue my studies in Pre Press graphics and Web design and I was dazzled by the bright lights of computers and Adobe Creative Suite software – and Hello Quark Xpress!
So why could I not be an artist? – I had a deep belief in me that I wasn’t good enough. My art sucked and everything I did was stupid…. As an adult, I know that feeling was Fear.
Fear stopped me for 25 years.
When my kids were toddlers I was searching for a few of my things when I was younger and couldn’t believe the overwhelming feeling I got when I found my box of pencils. I had forgotten all about my pencils. It took me straight back to the joy and happiness they gave me when I was 10, gave me goosebumps all over. My heart and soul were whispering to me, ‘its time’
I kept pushing those whispers away until one day 2 years ago I was at my wits end in my freelance business design websites, I decided to do something for myself and started to draw. I purchased nice drawing paper and a lot of pens and started drawing Mandalas. Somehow my mind remembered instantly that feeling in my body and it took me back to that place I was in when I was spending all day in my room drawing.
Something magical happens when you come into alignment with your thing you were put on this earth to do. You start to see things differently, life seems easier and a lot less stressful! As an Adult that fear I felt when I was younger I couldn’t feel it in my body…. over time it had dissolved.
Fast forward to today and I’ve cleared space in my home that I now, proudly call my ‘art studio’. I spent the Christmas holidays redesigning my website to reflect my new style and I carve out time everyday to practice. Even though my box of pencils is missing it’s lid and the pencils are scattered over the kids desks, I’m so glad that I found them again.